Sunday, November 21, 2010

Things that Must Go

I know it's almost Thanksgiving but rather than write a post where I list my many blessings, I'm taking a different approach this year. Instead, I'm going to share my list of things that must go. Sometimes we just need to rant. And, let's face it: this list is going to be much more fun to read than a saccharine gratitude list would be anyway.

1. I-15 construction. Really. It never goes away. The orange barrels are multiplying and replenishing the freeway as I type this.
2. The excessive use of the word "like." I find it, like, so hard, like, to follow, like what people are, like, saying when they, like, use the word "like" 65 times while, like, making their point.
3. Fannypacks (and the people who wear them). Need I say more?
4. Multi-level marketing schemes. Particularly ones that involve magic juice. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. If it says it can cure anything because of special berries from some obscure rain forest in South America, RUN.
5. Movie remakes and sequels. I'm so over it. Surely, SOMEONE in Hollywood has an original idea. And, just a thought-- how did Alvin and the Chipmunks merit a "squeakuel"? What does that say about society?
6. U2. As one of my co-workers told me the other day (and I readily agreed), it is the worst multi-platinum band in the history of ever.
7. Bad reality TV. And, what's "real" about reality TV anyway?
8. Mullets (and the people who have them). Again, need I say more?
9. Spiders. Ew.
10. Infomercials. Why?
11. People who drive UNDER the speed limit. Speed up, grandma. Trust me, you're more of a traffic hazard in that blue Buick when you're going 50 on the freeway than if you would just risk it and go 65.
12. Nevada. It's a form of exile.
13. Airplane food. Not that you really get any because now you have to pay for it. But when you're starving on a 7-hour flight, sometimes you forget and shell out $10 for a tiny meal that barely resembles food. Then you wish you hadn't.
14. Thomas Kincaide paintings. Trite.
15. Cat calendars. Or dog calendars for that matter. Let's just say pet calendars in general.
16. Poorly-written love stories involving teenage vampires, werewolves and other dark creatures. It's okay to like these stories when you are 12. But once you move past 12, give something substantial a try. I know that sounds harsh but really, try it. You might like it.
17. The Footprints in the Sand poem. If you love this, I don't know what to say. There just aren't words.
18. Celery. 'Tis a pointless vegetable.
19. Winter. It's depressing. Just typing the word made me sad inside.
20. The Tea Party movement.

These are just a few of my least favorite things. Hope you found it enjoyable.

What's on your list of things that must go?