Saturday, December 6, 2008

Twilight Men

I have to confess that I went to see Twilight on Thanksgiving. This is partly because I was curious and partly because Camille wanted to go and who can say no to their cute 15-year-old sister? So Camille and I convinced Maren (my other sister) and my mom to go, too. We asked my dad if he wanted to go "just for family bonding time" but he replied with an emphatic "NO WAY!!"  He is not a Twilight man. But, as I discovered when we were waiting for the movie to start, some men are. In walks a middle-aged, bandana-wearing, moustached man...alone! Yes, he was alone for the movie. He was wearing a leather vest and looked like he rode his Harley to the theater. I tried to think of reasons why he would be there. Maybe he is trying to bond with his disaffected and moody teenage daughter (but then why didn't he bring her?) or maybe he went to see Quantum of Solace, but it was sold out so he sought solace by buying a ticket to Twilight, which he'd never heard of before. Or maybe he has a secret desire to be a vampire. Or maybe he has a thing for Billy Burke (the actor who played Bella's dad). But could it it possible...that he actually read and enjoyed the books? (I did look at him periodically to see if he was crying in the cheesy parts. He wasn't.)

Now, I'm no Agent Mulder from X-Files, but I believe Twilight men are out there. I believe they read the books in their closets and their secret places and they enjoy them. I can imagine a guy my age reading it when he thinks his roommates aren't home and one walks in on him in the act. Since there's no mistaking the covers of the books, the roommate looks a little baffled. "Dude, the vampires are kinda cool," Twilight man says hastily, blushing a little. "That's the only reason I'm reading this. Seriously." The roommate looks unconvinced, but suggests that they play video games or basketball and Twilight man readily agrees. "I was getting bored anyway," he says casually as he tosses the book on his bed. But later that night, he reads it with his new lithium-battery flashlight. He stays up all night until he finishes it. Because it's more than just vampires and werewolves. He thinks Bella's hot and he's having a hard time deciding between Edward and Jacob, too. On the one hand, Edward is speedy and strong and mind reads, and he gets to watch Bella sleep every night. Cool! But Jacob is big and brooding and gets to hang out with werewolves. Sweet!

I think it's okay to be a Twilight man. I can definitely think of worse things (crossdressing comes to mind- or hunting) that guys could do. So to you Twilight men out there I say embrace who you are!